Destiny Shaping Question #4 – Do I possess the strength to be nothing?

Nothing – “someone or something of no or slight value”

I spent many years feeling like I was nothing.  Plagued by fears and insecurities, I contented myself with being unnoticed, unseen and unknown.  Then I met Jesus and everything changed.  He taught me not to elevate my view of myself, but to disregard my view of myself.  I mean really, after you find out what Jesus has done to secure your salvation, what else really matters.  This great salvation transformed my life.

Then an interesting thing happened.  I got noticed by people in church who were in a position to give me opportunities to teach the Word of God to others.  How unusual it seemed that people would know who I was.  I liked it.  Too much.

The day it all came to an end because of a change in leadership was a devastating blow to me.  In one moment all doors of opportunity seemed to have been slammed shut in my face.  I had experienced a small taste of being “a mighty woman of God” only to lose it all.  And once again I felt like nothing. 

For almost 2 years I mourned my loss of status, feeling rejected by God.  With many tears I would manage to find my way to a place of acceptance and resignation to the events that had occurred, only to plummet once again to the depths of despair.  It all seemed so unfair.

And even as I was focused on myself and my own feelings, the Lord was beginning to deal with my heart about why this thing had happened and why it was necessary.  During those years of being something I had no idea how it was polluting my heart and tainting my relationship with Jesus. Not until it was all gone and I was finished mourning the loss of it did I see how truly gracious God had been to me. As I saw the mercy of God in bringing me back to nothing, my heart and my attention were drawn back to Him once again.

Being something was easy.  Being nothing was a struggle.  A long, tearful struggle.  But now, many years later, I am incredibly thankful to be nothing again, because in this nothingness, Christ is all.

CONCLUSION:  Jesus makes even nothingness a supreme blessing

One thought on “Destiny Shaping Question #4 – Do I possess the strength to be nothing?

  1. eemurdoch August 21, 2008 / 5:31 am

    I think that this is one of the most profound statements on nothingness I have ever read. It is innate to want to be noticed, highly esteemed. Nothing is quite the same once all the accolades stop rolling in… but, who says things have to be the same? Simplicity – that’s something to aim for.

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